floggin my bloggin noggin

2006-06-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

What the hell...

Is anyone out there interested in selling a previously owned copy of Final Draft 7? I've been looking around and the best I can come up with is $150.00 student bundle with the inclusion of my wife's student I.D. That's still pretty expensive. If you have or know of someone who has a copy they are willing to part with, please contact me vias my e-mail or by leaving an e-mail add'y in my comments section.

Cheerz!

x x x x x x x x x x

Don'tcha JUST HATE IT when you really start getting somewhere and your demo version of the program you've been using won't allow you to go any further than 15 pages without purchasing the full version? Such is the case with Final Draft 7. I'm really beginning to get somewhere when I am informed that I cannot continue any further with the use of the smart program without spending $280.00 on the full version. Well, seeing how I'm not a member of ANY country club. I guess I'll be going as far as 15 pages of the first draft of ___ ____ _____. That is, of course, unless one of you wants to sell me your old copy for a nominal, struggling writers fee?

Goddamnit!

2006-06-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

It's pretty bad when you have to edit your own fucking blog entry.

x x x x x x x x x x

As of late - moreso than normal - I've been asking for a little extra guidance in my life. Nothing extraordinary, just a little direction; a little nudge... okay, a large push. As always happens in these situations, you wait, and you wait, and you wait some more, hoping that one day, out of the blue you will receive your Jeff Foxworthy equivalent "Sign," only to receicve a Howie Mandel "Guffaw" moment instead.

I think it's pretty safe to say I've reached my "Guffaw" moment.

I've been bored as fuck around here. So bored, in fact that it's dragging me to the verge of insanity and threatening to toss me over the cliff. That is, of course, until last night.

I was falling asleep on the couch when I woke up and decided to go to bed. I went into the bathroom and washed off my fresh ink, re-applied lotion, and moved into the room when for no apparent reason I decided to pop open my laptop. After a few minutes of fumbling around and typing two words shy of nothing, I shut the file and went directly to a file I hadn't used in a while. I opened it and immediately saw the icon for Final Draft, a screenwriting program I have. I double clicked said icon and there it was in front of me: a script I had all but let go of. I opened it, read it, and immediately began pounding on the keys when came to the realization that while I have a complete story line for this central character built up for a novel series, I could just as easily turn it into a television series the likes of 24 or CSI or any other cop drama you'd prefer to insert.

I just wouldn't want to move back to California.

Whaddayado?

2006-06-02T09:15:00.000-07:00

2006-05-31T10:24:00.000-07:00

My friend, Anna, tagged my ass - not tapped... (((perverts)))... so here's goes...
5 items in my fridge
1. Lipton Sweetened Iced Tea
2. Memorial Day weekend BBQ pork ribs (Yum-fuckin-eee!)
3. French Vanilla Coffee Mate
4. Onions & Garlic (No fridge should be without either!)
5. Assorted salad dressings

5 items in my (hall) closet.
Well, for starters, I don't have a "hall closet", so I'll use my bedroom closet, which is a bigger mess than 15 Hells.
1. TP for my bunghole
2. Vaccum cleaner
3. More TP for my bunghole
4. Vaccum claner bags
5. AC filters

5 items in my car (Xterra, son. Xterra.)
1. Black Label Society mix CD I made (fucking rules!)
2. Mini tape recorder (for those writer in trouble needs)
3. A small crucifix tucked away (Believe it or not, I do believe in God!)
4. Scum of the Earth CD ( not the best but worth a listen to)
5. Two fold out beach chairs that were never removed

5 items in my purse
First and foremost, I don't have a purse. But in my wallet can be found a:
1. Bank Debit card
2. Four assorted credit cards
3. A phone number
4. Two discount tickets to Magic Mountain
5. A plethora of grocery store discount cards

5 people I whose ass I choose to tag are:
1. Brat
2. Queen
3. Tom (if you're out there somewhere)
4. You
5. __________ (insert name here)

2006-05-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

I think I'm in a full blown manic state right now - hence the reason for little blogging. I'VE BEEN BUSY!

Busy cleaning up my music catalog, busy inventorying six boxes of books, busy OBSESSING over my eBay auctions... busy, busy, busy.

Not to mention, there's not been much to say.

I never know what is worse: the race or the crash and burn. What's worse is that I know the crash is coming: it's inevitable. And the burn...

2006-05-24T23:57:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize that letting go of my kids is not only necessary, it's healthy.
I've always wanted to be a father, a family man... the kind of father I never had. And I think that for the most part I've accomplished what I'd set out to accomplish. But somewhere along the way I'd lost myself in the daily chaos that is being a parent. I gave away everything I had just to make sure I was doing a good job, but somewhere along the lines I also gave away my heart, soul and passion for everything I once loved.
I now know that letting go isn't about walking away. It's about growth.
Now it's my turn.

2006-05-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

I'm painfully aware now that part of the struggling I've been faced with is the result of not wanting to relinquish control to my children - in particular, my son. He's growing up and I need to come to terms with the fact that in five years time he could be walking out of the house for the last time and taking his first steps into his own life. As much as I want him to; as much as I welcome his journey, I don't want him to leave. He's my boy. My first born. But if I don't loosen the noose I'll end up hanging myself.

2006-05-21T23:04:00.000-07:00

Just when I think I'm off and running again as equal parts good parent and husband, I stumble, fall, scrape myself to hell, and lay bleeding in the gutter.

I'm so fucking tired of this mentally excruciating game I play with myself. I really am.

Why won't any of you just let me cash in my chips and go the fuck home?

I'd be so much happier.

2006-05-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

I found one more fortune cookie tucked away today and decided to have a crack at it. Here's what it said: "Nobody can be exactly like you."

Goddamn fortune cookies.

What do they know?

2006-05-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

Today's blog (Friday) is being posted tomorrow (Saturday) because today (Friday) was so Goddamn shitty that I couldn't even begin to begin a post about how shitty today (Friday) was.

That said... here goes tomorrow's (Saturday) thoughts on how shitty today (Friday) went.
1. I woke up
2. I followed my eBay sales (to which there were none)
3. Checked my e-mail for news of money that's owed me from eBay sales (to which there was none)
4. Checked the mailbox for envelopes containing money that's owed me from eBay sales (to which there was none)
5. Got in the shower and felt like shit, wondering where my cash is.
6. Went to Zia's Records to look for old "Excel" and "No Mercy" CD's (to which there were none)

7. I am semi-disappointed that Zia's is no longer the indie store it once was.
8. Settled on new "Rob Zombie - Educated Horses" and a "Venom - Live Bootleg" (which are both shitty!)
9. I go to Subway to get the wife some lunch, only to wait behind a faxed in order from a nearby fire department.
10. I take the wife her lunch and lose the power steering belt in the Xterra - nearly crashing into a concrete wall as I make a left hand turn on the off ramp.
11. I feel like shit about the fucking truck and wonder why I can never get a break.

12. I wonder why I can never have an opportunity to do something without shit happening.
13. I begin emotionally and mentally kicking the shit out of myself.

14. I am literally on the verge of a fucking breakdown and want to cry. I take three Ativan instead.
15. I continue to emotionally and mentally kick the shit out of myself.
16. The kids come home and I force myself into a bad good mood.

17. I pick up the wife from school and in the process spill a fucking bottle of tea all over me and the truck.

18. A mechanic friend says she'll take a look at it. Finds power steering belt right in front of my face. I never saw it.

19. I try to purchase new belt. Inventory shows one. They can't find it.

20. I am sent to another store in the ghetto to get the part. It's fixed. I come home. I fall asleep on the head. I go to bed.

2006-05-18T21:53:00.000-07:00

I'm always good for a fortune cookie (or two), so when I found a couple laying on the kitchen counter from last night's meal, I indulged myself. Here's where things get interesting. I cracked the first one open to find the following fortune:

"It is better to attempt something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed." Interesting. And for those of you who know or have been following me over the past seven months - failure of any kind is my BIGGEST fear. I walk away, only to find myself moments later cracking open another fortune. I'll ge Goddamned if it didn't say the same fucking thing.

Gee... do you think there's something to this whole attempt something great scenario (writing), as well as doing nothing and succeeding (failing myself)?

2006-05-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

Change is good.